i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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