I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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