i may or may not be watching the land before time
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
