Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
