I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
