meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
