he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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