As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize