R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize