Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
