a queef is a wish your heart makes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i now understand why vodka
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
