You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
