Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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