In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
