Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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