Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
