Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
