I will die if light touches me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
