While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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