i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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