Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
