How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
