I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
