new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
