apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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