Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
