he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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