Where is the hickey?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
50% drunk capacity currently
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
