His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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