He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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