He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
