her vagina looked like bernie madoff
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
