friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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