I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love you. Go after that dick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
