I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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