Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
