i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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