is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
