I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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