Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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