"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
