ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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