jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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