Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
