Tell her she can't have a vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
