I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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