i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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