i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
