she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
