it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
