I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
