I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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