I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
