textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
