you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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