I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
