I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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