If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
