"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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