Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
