I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize