Your dad touched me again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
