I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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