I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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